I can see the economy getting worse for one, Europe are already saying it’s gonna be a tough one but then all this mess ain’t all down to us lets face it. The greed of people never ceases to amaze me. They say there’s more young people falling into debt, now there’s a surprise. Did nobody ever tell them that you actually have to be a footballer to have that kind of lifestyle? Bottom line is it’s only gonna get worse as long as people carry on doing the things that they do. Fortunately that’s not me cos I live within my means and soon I will be free of debt yay and best thing about it is I will have paid every penny back, not taken the easy way out, go me lol.

I’m hoping that mother nature is a wee bit kinder to us this year with no major issues although we all know that is one thing that is beyond our control. Saying that though should an even occur there’s bound to be some sad arse moaning that we could have done something about it lol. Mind boggles. The weather so far has been rather good, although snow would have been nice. Why does everyone moan like hell when I say I’d love snow? It’s nice nice and pretty and is a wondrous beauty to behold, although not for some it seems. One thing about the weather is that no matter how good or bad it is someone doesn’t like it, some go on holiday and moan it was too hot for them, some it’s too cold, no pleasing folk. I love the snow, doesn’t bother me in the least. I can get everywhere I wish to go and do all the things I wish to do, obviously not sunbathe mind though but it stops me doing nothing at all. Maybe because my world consists of everywhere I choose my legs to take me, everything I need is around me. I won’t starve if I don’t go to the shops for a day or so, apart from milk there isn’t much else I really need to buy although every week I go out and spend money on more. I’m surprised my cupboards haven’t fallen off the wall years ago lol. Bring on the snow please gives me no end of entertainment lol.

Christmas has been and gone, went to our John & Angela’s this year. Norman got loads of presents and money which was burning a hole in his pocket the moment he got it. I said I was gonna buy a new big telly with it but he’s having none of that lol. I need to get a new telly cos ours have broke so that’s the next thing on my list of things to but although there’s no rush cos Norman doesn’t mind watching the old portable and I have his telly in my bedroom which I watch. I’m hoping to get one on the money I save from not smoking, which is coming along nicely. Trouble is I enjoy a smoke but I’m getting there slowly. I’ve smoked over half my life so it ain’t gonna happen in a flash, like an addict I am weaning myself off them slowly until one day I’ll just not bother anymore. Failing that I shall get some of those tablets from the doctors and see how that goes but I’m doing ok at the moment. Not one for tablets I ain’t t all for anything.

So I got a letter from the hospital to tell me all is well with my bits and that the results were benign, whoop whoop. I did have some of the same tests 2 years ago and everything was fine, so it seems all the trouble has been because of a polyp, granted a big one but it’s gone and everything seems much better now so all is well there. I wasn’t stressing overly about it cos there’s little point really, gotta die one day although I’d rather not know what day if I am honest lol.

I hope you all have a good new year full of bright blessings xx

I remember way back when I lost my boys Eastenders had someone on it doing exactly the same thing. I watched it despite everything cos it’s not real, but despite the corniness of Eastenders they do tend to tackle some rather life like topics in a corny way lol. I find myself back in that spot sat here watching Tanya tackle cancer, something that it’s quite possible at this moment in time I have.

I’m not quite sure what i should be thinking at the moment cos it’s early days, I’m playing the waiting game at the moment for test results to come back although after having a letter in the post on Friday saying I had an abnormal smear result to being in hospital yesterday having some treatment, well it doesn’t bode well if I am honest, since when does the NHS work that fast I ask myself? One good thing is I got rid of that alien polyp that was draining the life outta me, big bugger it was too cos he showed me it on the camera before he oiked it out. Gonna get a scan organised next to see if I have any more that can’t be seen.

So not knowing quite what to think leaves me devoid of any feelings really at present, I’ve shed a few tears but nothing major, well not as yet. I imagine at some point it will hit me and that’ll be it I’ll be a mess lol. It’s the waiting game that is the worst, it’s always easier to imagine the worst than the best lets face it. I hope it’s just a one off and nothings wrong or if it is they have caught it in time to stop it but you know what my luck is like!

My mate and her daughter took me to the hospital yesterday, other mate looked after child of mine. I was off to another hospital next week for the polyp removing but obviously I ain’t going now cos the doctor I saw is taking over my care now so he’s gonna see me in his clinic in Ponte, daft to say when I booked that appointment I couldn’t get one in Ponte and bingo they manage to get me in in a flash to see someone. The first letter I opened said it would be 4 to 6 weeks for an appointment, the next letter opened was an appointment three days later! That just doesn’t bode too well in my mind to be honest but I ain’t a clue until the results come in. I really ain’t looking forward to that to be honest.

So today I went and got me some patches to help me quit smoking, I should really, me Norman has been banging on a lot lately for me to quit, guess this is a kick in the twat that I need. I’ll have to find summet else to do now, hopefully not eat otherwise I’ll be the size of a bus in no time! Funny how things happen ain’t it. Thought me arm was burning off when I stuck it on and it got all warm but so far so good, I ain’t quitting bang just like that cos over half a lifetimes addiction to nicotine ain’t gonna be easy to wean mesen off of just like that, mind I quit the weed just like that so ya never know. I’ve opted for patches to go through the process slowly at my own speed, a couple of my mates have done the tablet route and gone straight back on the cigs as soon as a bit of stress has occurred and they’ve finished the pills.

I ain’t told Garry, he’s stressing out about it enough already but I guess I’ll have to tell him when he comes over at the weekend, he was coming to the hospital with me lol. It’s not that I don’t want to tell him it’s what the fuck do I say? He’ll be stressing big time, way more than me and I really can just do without all the fuss and the stress of having to comfort someone else. I know that sounds daft but I remember when I lost my boys I had no end of people to comfort, guess it took my mind of it all at the time but it’s just something I don’t need to deal with at the moment. I ain’t got the energy or inclination lol. He’s been to the docs and he’s off back this week for blood tests and to see about quitting the fags too, mind he really needs to seeing as he’s on 2 or 3 packets a day!

To say it’s been one of those weeks is an understatement, been one of those months it has. Now I know why I don’t go to the doctors. It’s amazing how you manage to come out with summet you didn’t have when you went in. I’d rather not know when I’m gonna die to be honest or what from lol. Keep going until I drop would be the best option with the least possible fuss.

So you could say I need some fingers crossing and all that sort of stuff, I ain’t a religious god squad type so prayers really wouldn’t be my bag although some bright blessings wouldn’t go amiss right now. Oh I ain’t mentioned it to me mum either as yet, don’t want to worry her too, amazing how you think about others before yourself even when you’re ill ain’t it. Me Norman will probably mention something to her cos he doesn’t miss a trick and I don’t hide things from him, he might only be nine but I remember being 7 and my dad dying and nobody telling me anything, I’d rather he know from me in a way he can understand it completely and be a part of it and stuff. He’s actually my only priority so as long as he’s ok I’ll be ok. He’s ten in just over 2 weeks, god only knows how he’s got to almost ten without being strangled but there ya go. He’s still an annoying twat at times but he’s way better now than he used to be, still pushes his luck but he’s male, par for the course. So if I get some ridiculously bad news anytime soon my only priority is hanging in there for another 8 years and then my jobs done. Fingers crossed it won’t come to that but ya never know lol.

No this post ain’t about any of those things although it is getting a tad chilly of late! How come they are the top search items on my blog, some people really need to get a grip and move on cos they’re sure as hell wasting their energies. Speaking of energies I have come to the conclusion I need to find something exciting to waste mine on, although finding out what could prove rather tricky, I’m way too idle unless I’m getting paid for it, I don’t have a rush in me unless it’s a paid rush and bottom line bah I can’t be bothered lol. Way too many people don’t know how to live life unless it’s at a million miles an hour, way too much hard work for me I’m afraid. Take me back to the 80’s before the whole entire world turned mad. Nothing has ever been the same since nor will it ever be again I’m afraid.

So as some may see I have changed my blog a wee bit. I’ve never really settled in here since the move from spaces, it’s just not so comfortable and spaces enabled me to have it just so, as I wanted it, although with a wee bit of messing about granted, but it was cosy and familiar and a pleasure to go leave wee morsels there. I find this place far too serious and sterile, never take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive lol. I am gonna endeavour to try and get back to my writing a wee bit more, although I won’t be holding my breath. Just a place to vent a bit and as it’s coming back to the darkest season and coldest lol, well maybe I should try a wee bit harder.

It’s not like I don’t have anything to say cos I always have a thought or opinion on anything no matter what it is lol. I just tend not to voice my opinion most of the time these days, save my energy cos if I went off on one I could quite easily offend, although that’s not such a bad thing, doesn’t matter whether you offend the whole point is to discuss things, mull them over, chew the fat, find out the opinions of others. I find that so especially when I can’t make up my own mind, not that I let anyone else make it up for me but its good to hear other peoples reasoning and ideas about things before you commit yourself, well at least that’s what I find. Look at every angle possible and the effects of every action before you actually go do something a bit daft lol. It’s a shame many people don’t work like that cos this world of ours would I think be a much better place if they did. As usual quick fixes are what most people do these days, they don’t think before they do and then end up making some right royal fuck ups, like the great carrier bag debate! Bolt the door once the horse has well n truly fucked off over the hill and then all sit scratching their heads over it, hmmmmmmm.

I’ve come to the conclusion I should stop watching the news, then what? Hmmm let me think lol. It gives me so much to bitch on about I guess if nothing else. The shit still hasn’t hit the fan over the worlds monetary crisis. I chuckle to myself with all these politicians banging on about treaties, like treaties can’t be broken and lets face it if the are what the hell are they gonna do about it? Not like they’ll get any more money out of us cos we’re skint, the pot we had to piss in got knocked over and broken quite some time ago. It seems everyone has been randomly wasting money on stuff they don’t need and running up huge debts. When are people gonna learn you can’t have everything cos it’s not just a few people it seems it’s the whole world that’s at it and along the way we’ve made China one of the richest nations despite their human rights issues, go figure. Time we had someone who would go back to basics, let’s start by making sure nobody ever starves to death cos I think a lot of people have their priorities wrong. It amazes me that with all the natural resources of our world people still die from starvation. There is so much wrong in this world today and it seems it’s getting no better just worse. Bottoms gonna drop and when it does it’s gonna make one hell of a mess.

One huge issue I have is the word no and why people seem to go into meltdown when they hear it and start chucking their teddy about? It’s a simple two letter word. I have this issue cos of child of mine although it seems rather relevant to the world in general at present. It’s a shame people when they hear that simple little world have to start arguing and carrying on instead of just accepting it. Norman comes to me often and asks for stuff or if he can do summet and the answer just so happens to come back as a no. Then I get the teddy chucking and every way possible of trying to get his own way, which once my minds made up is never gonna happen, I’m in charge lol. Granted it’s usually can I have or a simple no cos it could be harmful or it’s dark out or he wants to wander off. Course I get called all the names under the sun but that’s water off a ducks back to me lol. It’s amazing how many ways you can find to say no lol, I’m rather good at it. It’s impossible to keep everyone happy all of the time and as long as we humans have holes in our arses it ain’t gonna ever happen.

I really should write more! I have ever so much stuff floating round in my head these days, most of it I must admit fuelled by the news, maybe I should just stop watching it. It’s on right now, three times a day I waste my time watching it to see what is going on in the world and yet do I believe any of it, rarely because the media, and I care not who it is, guilds it and dresses it up using carefully chosen words to feed to us. I get sick of hearing about transparency and truth, most people ain’t a clue what that is and lets face it some people could convince some people that black is white.

It amazes me how many people in this world really ain’t got much of a clue, they need to be constantly told what to do because they just have no clue how to do something even the most basic of things. One of my pet peeves is when I get shoppers coming round the store and all the while they are on a mobile phone either voice or text asking someone, generally the other half what they should buy. I’d have thought the simplest thing is to stay home and get them to go do the shopping lol. Mind boggles. I seriously wonder how some people manage to exist these days. Seems common sense has all but gone cos often when I talk to some people they look at me gone out when I am trying to explain something to them, it’s not rocket science!

I’m fed up with the rip off prices in the shops at the moment. Moggis being the biggest bug bear I have to admit, some of their prices are quite frankly obscene given the size of the store and buying power, how come they can charge so much more for stuff than some other shops! Robdogs!!! Mid saying that it seems everyone is out to rob us all blind so don’t get me onto the costs of heating and utilities cos I’d be here a long time.

Life is the same as ever round here, I’m sure actually living in Beiruit would be much quieter than living here and I imagine the people are much nicer too. My best mate is moving, got a new house so she’s off so I’m pretty much on my own then cos I won’t be seeing much of here after that I don’t imagine  

Work is ever the same although we didn’t do so bad for a pay rise this time. Bugs the life out of me that our manager is better than useless and that we always seem to be stretched way too thin on the ground. I’m usually really conscientious about my work, I like t do a good job and get it done and sorted before I go home but of late it’s been me, myself and I and I simply can’t do it all on my own. It’s leading me to the point where I am caring a lot less in some ways but god help anyone if they start moaning the life outta me cos they will get it in the neck and I don’t care whether it offends or pleases if I am honest, we all get to a certain point and I am getting to it slowly.

Norman is being the ever loving twat, consistency I guess is a good thing. Almost ten years old now with an attitude that stinks most of the time. Seems to want to be awkward and misbehave rather than doing what he knows full well he should do, anything to get as much attention as he needs. Apparently he is very clever although you wouldn’t know it the way he acts grrrrr. He just doesn’t apply himself properly and will only do as he chooses to do. Of course I’m the bad un when I challenge him and try talking to him, I’m the biggest bitch in the world when I won’t allow him t do exactly as he pleases and recently he’s been saying how did you know a lot to me, doh cos I’m not stoopid and I know every trick in the book. They seem to forget we know them better than they think. I was a kid once, been there done that, got many life skills along the way. Mind saying that had I spoken to my mum like he speaks to me I’d have got a good thrashing. He’d test the patience of a saint and I honestly don’t know how I don’t punch him in the face sometimes lol. He’s a gobby git one day someone will turn around and smack him for being so naffing clever.

My health is not so great at present, got a mega cold and my hormones are right royally pissing me off. It seemed to be a little easier for the last couple of months but this month it’s hit like a lead weight and with not being well as well it ain’t making me best impressed. I’d go to the doctors but he’s better than useless to be honest and I’ve better things to do with my time than trail round to doctors and maybe hospitals. I’ll keep going until I stop cos i ain’t getting onto that band wagon where they start poking me full of pills to line the drug companies pockets. They are never gonna stop people from dying and that word cancer strikes fear into everyone, it’s another word for something we can’t and never will find a cure from, bodies wear out end of. I seriously don’t get why people want to live forever cos I certainly don’t, not with the state of this world we live in today. I wonder who we are going to go to war with next? It seems nearly everyone in the world is at war with someone or other. As long as people have a hole in their arses we are never all gonna want the same thing whether it be right or wrong so why can’t we just learn to get on with each other and not try and impose our will on others?

I’m not a member of the God squad but somewhere I think I remember someone mentioning thou shalt not kill?

Well it’s been a while lol. Life’s been ticking by as it usually does, ever increasingly lol. Not long until Christmas.

It seems I have got myself a man in tow, can’t remember how long I’ve been seeing him cos you know me, not much gets me excited about men these days, knowing their capabilities just doesn’t do it for me anymore so I am erring on the side of caution and not allowing myself to fall head long into something I know will only hurt if I allow it to. I’ll take it as it comes and just see what happens.

My bestest mate is moving house booooo, got offered a new house down the road so she’s going cos she’s sick of living in Beiruit. Last night I was woken up by numerous pissheads n tarts out on the street yelling, last awakening was about 5 this morning so I’ll be ringing up to complain tomorrow about it grrr, got pissheads on every corner now and still got the vermin next door who continue to make life a misery grrrrrr. I’m gonna tackle him again as to why she ain’t been moved out cos it’s illegal for her to be in a two bedroom house with teenage kids boys n girls. Seems at the moment people move out round here and they’re only moving young dum kids in with kids and all they do it hang round the streets drinking and causing mayhem. The land that time forgot, so wish I could get out of here but even if I did apply to be moved I’d be told I was adequately housed and would have to wait for years to get anything offered and if I did it would probably be someplace just as bad as here so bad burnt as scalded. I’m considering a few options at the moment but we shall wait and see.

The PC saga continues. I got this one out the catalogue cos not having any ready cash it’s hard to buy stuff off the bat that’s so expensive so my only option is that. I got a Dell cos that’s what my other one was and that lasted well until I broke it lmao. So it comes and in the first 5 days the monitor stopped working, was playing a game on facebook and it just went off. So I rang them and told them so they sent me to talk to Dell. Hmmmm, Dell tells me they have no record of my purchase so they are unable to do anything about it. So back to the catalogue to get some paperwork sent which happened every couple of weeks for three months when finally Dell decide to replace the monitor, so it gets delivered and it’s reconditioned.  Needless to say I am displeased about that to say it didn’t last a week to start with. So yesterday I comes to turn my pc on and nothing happens, I check the fuses and stuff, cables etc, still nothing so very displeased I ring the catalogue up, well I didn’t come up for a breath in a very nice manner pmsl.  They then send me to the right person and they tell me to repack it and return it and ask me if I want another one ordering so I then said no could I choose a different one cos I ain’t having another Dell considering all the hassle I have had with this bloody thing grrrrrr. So I have ordered a Samsung laptop instead which is about £100 cheaper but anyway it’s coming by thursday so I hope it’s when I am home lmao.  I went off out after that to get some shopping and listen to Norman blagging my head.  Comes home and tries it again before I take it to bits and it worked! When it did come on it have a 4 hour 10 minute lag on the clock which shouldn’t be the case should it cos it automatically sets the time and it’s always right allegedly so that tells me something is amiss with it. It then started to mess with me, my mouse stopped working and even after several battery changes it still won’t have it yet the keyboard still works. Been nowt but naffing trouble has this bloody thing grrrrr. Thankfully I have saved my stuff to my external hard drive which I keep all my music on anyway. It’s been a nightmare has this pc to be honest what with the monitor issue and now this so Dell have lost a customer in me now. I’m just hoping I don’t get any hassle with it from the catalogue cos it didn’t work and now it’s sort of working again, still I am not happy with it though cos if I should keep it what happens when it doesn’t work again? Shouldn’t go wrong after three months lets face it and I see not switching on as an issue. I mean it could be a work pc and I could lose all my stuff, would they compensate for that if it was the case? I think not lol. Fingers crossed everything goes smoothly.

The SAD season is upon me again, my white cell count is up and I have had numerous spots which is a good sign and my nails are dropping to bits, ohhhh how the seasons play with me. I’m actually doing great, think after straightening out all my issues things have settled no end, ohhhh and giving up the weed too lol. I can see clearly now hehehe. I don’t stress at stuff like I used to anymore, I accept that life is the way it is and some people have nasty hearts n nasty minds, let them crack on their problem not mine, karma’s a bitch lol. Norman is still Norman, highly annoying mostly but sometimes not bad, he’s on a diet, failing that a lock on the kitchen door pmsl, I will get that weight off him if it’s the last thing I do ha.

Until next time, when ever that may be lol                

Yes I should really blog more but of late things have been rather hectic and I’ve been really busy. Amazing how things kind of creep up on you unawares and before you know it bang, so here I am to offload and get things off my chest cos once I have then it’s gone not forgotten but it’s all ok once more. It’s funny how offloading things really does sort it all out even if like me you’re only actually talking to yourself. So where to start cos there is sooooo much rattling round.

May as well start with the school strikes. Hardly the best thing to be doing in todays financial crisis to be honest. What beats me though is all these teachers and civil servants are all bleating on about their pensions and having to work longer, hmmmmmmmmmmmm isn’t it all the rest of us too that’s got to put up with having to work longer? What beats me too is teachers get more time off than anyone else and it is a job that is rather handsomely paid. All I hear now is how badly done to people are financially and how much harder life is and and and, well it’s the same for the rest of us too and some of us are only paid a minimum wage, shame everyone ain’t living on what I live on a week and then we’d soon hear them bitching.

On the bitching about money front last week a piece on the news really got my back up. People who are employed in good jobs asking for food hand outs because they can’t afford to feed themselves! That is appalling and my heart so bleeds for them NOT. I bet they still have a box full of empty cans at the end of a week, numerous beer bottles, several take outs and a manicure. It seems people have got their priories all mixed up, where once a hair cut or a new dress was a luxury they are now the norm, priority on a shopping list a necessity. I’m horrified these days by the things people seem to fritter their money on, and the problem being is they are borrowing to pay for all these luxuries and then when the belt needs tightening they are asking for food hand outs, it’s shocking. It’s rare I ever get a luxury although I did the other day when I robbed Peter for a bottle of voddy lmao. I’ve never had a manicure in my entire life, nor do I feel the need to go have one anytime soon unless I find myself a nice rich sugar daddy that wants me looking perfect every moment of the day, I’ll be asking for a boob job mind cos I want them under my chin! What beats me half the time mind is the biggest heifer and family of weebles to put on camera, hmmmm I hardly think they need all that food if we are totally honest lmao.

Work has been rather annoying of late, but nowt new there then, Norman has been Norman, nowt new there, had to give someone a piece of my mind, I have now learnt to care less about said person so much so that after a few messages passed back n forth I left the last three unanswered, said what I needed to, they replied nuff said. People can be so disappointing and more so the ones that you’d call a close friend. I ain’t disposable to be picked back up when nobody else is playing, sick to bloody death of folk like that right now I must admit. Met a guy last week for a drink, spent some time together, still in touch but the thing was he was full on before I met him, now he’s taken a step back, unless he’s nowt else to do, sorry I ain’t no beck n call girl, if I was I’d be getting paid handsomely and then the job would be done properly lmao. I can’t be bovvered, single not desperate!

One other trouble is that my best mate isn’t happy cos of another mate. Breaks my heart to see her sad like this when all I can do is be there, it’s crap losing a friend, especially in the way this has happened. I know she’ll be ok given some time but it is heart breaking non the less. Sometimes I wish I could so sort everything out and make everything better, the frustration at times is so draining but this is life and if nothing else I have learnt that all I can do is be there. Real life is such a joy yet such a heart break at times but ya gotta take the rough with the smooth and hope like hell you’re doing it right lol. Pointless stressing and worrying about it, makes you ill does that, has you beating your head on a wall and it simply ain’t gonna change a thing when all’s said and done.

Who knows maybe one day if the love of my life does cross my path I won’t won’t even bother looking up, bah. I do actually have a huge crush on someone although I have never told him and I chatted to him this week, caught up again after a while, was so nice to see him again so to speak lol. A girl can but dream and actually the dream often is way better than the reality.  I’m just happy he’s a friend