Isn’t It Ironic

 

 

I remember way back when I lost my boys Eastenders had someone on it doing exactly the same thing. I watched it despite everything cos it’s not real, but despite the corniness of Eastenders they do tend to tackle some rather life like topics in a corny way lol. I find myself back in that spot sat here watching Tanya tackle cancer, something that it’s quite possible at this moment in time I have.

I’m not quite sure what i should be thinking at the moment cos it’s early days, I’m playing the waiting game at the moment for test results to come back although after having a letter in the post on Friday saying I had an abnormal smear result to being in hospital yesterday having some treatment, well it doesn’t bode well if I am honest, since when does the NHS work that fast I ask myself? One good thing is I got rid of that alien polyp that was draining the life outta me, big bugger it was too cos he showed me it on the camera before he oiked it out. Gonna get a scan organised next to see if I have any more that can’t be seen.

So not knowing quite what to think leaves me devoid of any feelings really at present, I’ve shed a few tears but nothing major, well not as yet. I imagine at some point it will hit me and that’ll be it I’ll be a mess lol. It’s the waiting game that is the worst, it’s always easier to imagine the worst than the best lets face it. I hope it’s just a one off and nothings wrong or if it is they have caught it in time to stop it but you know what my luck is like!

My mate and her daughter took me to the hospital yesterday, other mate looked after child of mine. I was off to another hospital next week for the polyp removing but obviously I ain’t going now cos the doctor I saw is taking over my care now so he’s gonna see me in his clinic in Ponte, daft to say when I booked that appointment I couldn’t get one in Ponte and bingo they manage to get me in in a flash to see someone. The first letter I opened said it would be 4 to 6 weeks for an appointment, the next letter opened was an appointment three days later! That just doesn’t bode too well in my mind to be honest but I ain’t a clue until the results come in. I really ain’t looking forward to that to be honest.

So today I went and got me some patches to help me quit smoking, I should really, me Norman has been banging on a lot lately for me to quit, guess this is a kick in the twat that I need. I’ll have to find summet else to do now, hopefully not eat otherwise I’ll be the size of a bus in no time! Funny how things happen ain’t it. Thought me arm was burning off when I stuck it on and it got all warm but so far so good, I ain’t quitting bang just like that cos over half a lifetimes addiction to nicotine ain’t gonna be easy to wean mesen off of just like that, mind I quit the weed just like that so ya never know. I’ve opted for patches to go through the process slowly at my own speed, a couple of my mates have done the tablet route and gone straight back on the cigs as soon as a bit of stress has occurred and they’ve finished the pills.

I ain’t told Garry, he’s stressing out about it enough already but I guess I’ll have to tell him when he comes over at the weekend, he was coming to the hospital with me lol. It’s not that I don’t want to tell him it’s what the fuck do I say? He’ll be stressing big time, way more than me and I really can just do without all the fuss and the stress of having to comfort someone else. I know that sounds daft but I remember when I lost my boys I had no end of people to comfort, guess it took my mind of it all at the time but it’s just something I don’t need to deal with at the moment. I ain’t got the energy or inclination lol. He’s been to the docs and he’s off back this week for blood tests and to see about quitting the fags too, mind he really needs to seeing as he’s on 2 or 3 packets a day!

To say it’s been one of those weeks is an understatement, been one of those months it has. Now I know why I don’t go to the doctors. It’s amazing how you manage to come out with summet you didn’t have when you went in. I’d rather not know when I’m gonna die to be honest or what from lol. Keep going until I drop would be the best option with the least possible fuss.

So you could say I need some fingers crossing and all that sort of stuff, I ain’t a religious god squad type so prayers really wouldn’t be my bag although some bright blessings wouldn’t go amiss right now. Oh I ain’t mentioned it to me mum either as yet, don’t want to worry her too, amazing how you think about others before yourself even when you’re ill ain’t it. Me Norman will probably mention something to her cos he doesn’t miss a trick and I don’t hide things from him, he might only be nine but I remember being 7 and my dad dying and nobody telling me anything, I’d rather he know from me in a way he can understand it completely and be a part of it and stuff. He’s actually my only priority so as long as he’s ok I’ll be ok. He’s ten in just over 2 weeks, god only knows how he’s got to almost ten without being strangled but there ya go. He’s still an annoying twat at times but he’s way better now than he used to be, still pushes his luck but he’s male, par for the course. So if I get some ridiculously bad news anytime soon my only priority is hanging in there for another 8 years and then my jobs done. Fingers crossed it won’t come to that but ya never know lol.